Monday, February 12, 2007

Back From The Dead -- AGAIN!!

I know that I've been gone. Stories to tell. None of them grand, and I am not the hero in any of them. But, that is for another time. I just want to let the one wayward soul who might have been reading this know that the Gothic Row is still at large.

I've found that I don't do holidays well. I don't like the forced nice I have to give forth. I smile at those I want to smile at. I feel happy when I feel happy. So do not take offence when I say "Have a great end of the year" to your "Merry Christmas". Don't push for validation of your good cheer or noble intentions. The offering of your good wishes should be enough. What I do with them, if anything, is my business.

The other thing I've found is that I can sleep in a room full of people and appear to be listening. Handy thing to learn. The proper propping of the head is the key. Oh, and you have to have hair long enough that it can be in your face and not look unusual. I have a known habit of chewing on my hair. (I've really quit doing it after an incident with bowel cramps that resulted in me crapping a mass of compacted hair. That's the closest I've ever come to passing out.) The habit makes it not unusual for me to have hair in my face.

Drool, however, is another problem....

Oh, and if you have relatives who seem to think that you are an old maid because you weren't married two days out of high school with a baby every year after that, I can offer an almost foolproof way to make them shut up. I had three relatives (aunt and two cousins) doing the "tsk tsk" over my unmarried state. Finally, just when I was ready to scream, one of them said something like "Hasn't there been anyone you've even been interested in?" I responded, in a very clam tone, "Well, there was this one guy. So pretty and smart. But I kinda lost interest when he asked me to shit on his chest while giving him a blow job. Maybe I should look him up." No one but uncles talked to me the rest of the time, and they just wanted me to laugh at their jokes. I can handle that.

By the way, that story about the guy who wanted me to shit on him...sadly true. And, no, I didn't.

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